How to deal with parental preference

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My kids not only have strong parental preferences. They use them. They play off them. And if either of us doesn’t give our usual 110%, they will shift their attention to the other parent. It’s normal and probably par for the parent course. But it’s also a bit like an abusive relationship.

Case in point.

My youngest was up at 5 this morning.

He woke up whimpering and moaning for “Mummy”. She was on the couch because she couldn’t sleep, so I woke up, went into his room, and hoped I could console him back to bed.

He didn’t like that.

He flailed his arm at me in a dismissive “get out” wave while drilling his head into my hip repeatedly crying “IIIII, wannnnnt, MUMMY!”.

Nice.

I huff, stand up, say a quiet “Fuck” under my breath, and pass my wife gruffly as she walks in the door saying “soooooorry” in a semi-pitiful, angled-head kind of way.

She’s trying to be empathetic. But not THAT empathetic.

And it does zero to assuage my emotional hurt.

I crawl back into bed. Which I soon realize is the place I actually want to be. But my emotions have been activated and I more or less spend the next 30 minutes fuming and grinding about what a little shit he was. I also periodically hear him laughing and playing with his mother downstairs. Insult to injury.

At 7 I go in to check on my oldest. He’s still snoring. So I leave him in bed to sleep a bit more.

Then I go downstairs. My wife soon gets up off the couch to go upstairs to get a sweater. I say, “He’s still sleeping, I left him to rest a bit more” so she wouldn’t wake my oldest up. Of course, because I said it, she goes in and crawls into his bed. Wakes him up.

I felt like I wanted to at least get the first wake up snuggle from my oldest after the battering I took in the night. But Mummy got that one too. Added insult to injury, but it is what it is.

I did get to go get him and take him downstairs which was a bit of a win.

The morning went as usual, we made it to school and daycare. My youngest was sweet at drop off, hugged me, and wanted to stay with me which felt good.

And today, the day after, things are a little more balanced. He still calls for Mummy first thing in the morning, and today I didn’t try to go in. Just stayed in bed. Got up to get my oldest. And the morning was the usual frenzy of poor behaviour, eating 1/4 of the breakfast we made, whipping lunch together, and getting out the door.